(Revised) #rap #poem of mine inspired by my second #exgirlfriend and #Eminem\ @Eminem

You might call this a verbal masturbation
The way I am getting off without ejaculation
Or you’ll take my words as a verbal laceration
As you asked me what’s with my infatuation?
Why is there no procrastination?
Because bitch I took on your accusation
And tried living up to your expectations
Only for this to be my assassination
Instead of you asking for my resignation
But now! You have the audacity to acted
As if this is all in my imagination
That my love was just an exaggeration
When your love was always a fabrication
As you played it smart so congratulation
On taking my heart as your graduation
Present, right there from the start!

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My Random Verse or #poem inspired by my #bipolar High Roller Coaster #exgirlfriend and also by #Eminem, @Eminem

You might call this a verbal masturbation

The way I am getting off without ejaculating

Or you’ll take my words as a verbal laceration

As you asked me what’s with my infatuation?

Why is there no procrastination?

Because bitch I took on your accusation

And tried living up to your expectations

Only for this to be my assassination

Instead of you asking for my resignation

But now! You have the audacity to acted

As if this is all in my imagination

That my love was just an exaggeration

When your love was always a fabrication

As you played it smart so congratulation

On taking my heart as your graduation

Present, right there from the start!

My first half of my Death of Romeo chapter #sonoftwisted based on my first failed relationship, but not as bad as my second #relationship

Death of Romeo Chapter

Son of Twisted

 

Before I start psychoanalyzing my first failed attempt at a relationship that had lead me to my biggest failure, biggest mistake to date that was my second relationship with Cherry , let me take you all back to the origin and set the scene.

 

See it was awkward for me to ask girls out as I have attempt somewhat as it’s up to debate because there was two girls in my elementary schools that I liked named Leanne and Tessa Presley, but I never asked them out maybe I was still too immature for my aged at the time or I lacked confidence in myself as I was usually a loner and reclusive.

 

But when I got to my first group home Saratoga in my graded eight integrated class named Ashley she had a Demi Moore Ghost movie like haircut that I had immature crush on, but I didn’t know how to express my feelings as I was afraid of rejection due to me being in special Ed class, where the normal students would bully or pick on you daily and weekly, so that didn’t help my confidence, but one time on Valentine I as a secret admirer bought flowers and chocolate and didn’t sign the card and when Ashley later on received my Valentine secret admirer stuff, Ashley didn’t just rejected but I got sent to the principal’s office where the principal label me as a stalker and gave me a warning, the next time I met Ashley was at my graduation grade 8 dance where my Saratoga staff kept on insisting that I go, so they dropped me off at my school and for most of my time I stayed out of sight and mostly in the boy’s bathroom, but some school kids kept insisting that I come out of the stall and face Ashley as I wanted to dance with her, but I didn’t think she wanna to dance with me do to my Valentine escapade or stunt I did as I assumed that she was still mad at me, but to my surprised after an awkward dance with Ashley’s friend as I kept stepping on this poor girl’s feet and I felt uncomfortable placing my hands on her hip in as we dance to a slow song, Ashley came along and I danced with her one song and things went smooth, but I still didn’t have confidence in myself as I do when I am writing, fast forward  to high school I had a crush on this girl name Amanda who always had a friend named Tiffany that I met both of them in my Mr. Armour drama integrated  class the only class that I somewhat excel at, but I never found the confidence  or courage to ask Amanda out as I was afraid that she would shoot me down anyways due to me being in a special Ed class, but I was only Clinton’s or Goderich’s high school temporary as I got kicked out of Saratoga group home.

 

As I recall it Saratoga staff took me out of school in the afternoon not telling me why until I got back to Saratoga where my C.C.A.S. or Catholic Children’s Aid Society social worker was there to inform me that my controversial mother had died and my social worker along with my Saratoga staff wanted me to go to the funeral they tried every tactic under the sun from regret to sympathy to guilt as they tried desperately to guilt me to go on my brother’s behalf as he doesn’t know the type of person our mother was and he still doesn’t to this day as he has a creepy shrine in our mother’s honour and memory, but at the time I didn’t feel like lying to my brother just to go on his behalf no matter how much Saratoga or my social worker tried to guilt me into going, so I left to angry and annoyed that Saratoga or my social worker was listening to me, so I headed out side to play basketball and that’s when one of Saratoga’s resident from the Rocky movies named after Rocky’s wife must have overheard the staff and my social worker when he stupidly poked the bear by taunting me about my mother’s death and some of you might think that I was standing for her but that wasn’t ever the case as back then I had a short fused either way I asked him to stop, than I warned him to stop though this Saratoga resident wouldn’t listen and kept escalating his taunts “Ha, Ha your mother’s dead” was his words he kept repeating over and over and the more he kept saying it the more angry I got and told him “ Every reaction has a reaction and you are about to see my reaction” before throwing the basketball at his face then spearing him to the ground and going UFC on his ass before Saratoga’s staff caught wind of it and proceeded to pull me off and somewhat put me in a basket hold restraint before I got out and resume to beat the whole shit of this Saratoga resident even that much more and putting him on life support as the cops came out to Saratoga and placed me under arrest and brought me to a mental hospital as Saratoga claimed that I was under aged and that they didn’t want to press charges, but if the Saratoga resident should succumb to his injuries and die than Saratoga and the cops had no choice but to charge me for murder, so I was supposed to be at this mental hospital for 48 hour hours basically suicide watch, but instead I was there for 2 to 3 weeks and when the hospital decided to discharge me, two Saratoga staff came and told me that they had a meeting with everyone and everyone agreed that I was too dangerous  therefore kicking me out in 1999 and escorting me like they were police offers, putting me in handcuffs for their safety as I felt like Hannibal Lecter in that iconic scene where Lecter was being wheeled out in a mask and chains and straight jacket as if I had murdered that Saratoga resident, but fortunately the  Saratoga resident has made a full recovery the last time I heard, as Saratoga’s staff took me back to Toronto in the Scarborough area in this temporary housing program called Midland where I stayed for a year and a half basically to 2001 as I was supposed to be there for a month or two, but I was considered a high risk youth therefore I got blacklisted until Palmer home came into the picture, plus Saratoga alter some facts as I found out later on by my sister that Saratoga told her and my social worker false details by stating I grabbed a knife and started stabbing people when for the record I smashed my aquarium filled with spider’s that I collected as that was one of my hobbies of mine and told the Saratoga staff to get out of my space and face as I was in a suicidal like state before the cops subdued me in the cornfield behind  Saratoga with their Tasers and handcuffed me as I want to make that fact clear as it’s been misconstrued for years.

 

Caused of my Mother’s death

 

On my mother’s officially cause of death as I know was a heart attack mixed with foul play as my mother died at age 35 or 36 on a rocking chair in her apartment.

 

Now I have two or three stories that I was told and original story I was told is that my mother sadly or poetic justice for her part for all of the suffering she caused me and my siblings to endure over the years due to her sociopathic lack of a conscience and the abused that me and my sister mostly took at the hands of my mother’s sadist father and common-law husband as I am born out of incest, but back to my mother’s early premature death as she died on a rocking chair and due to her burning so many of her bridges in life do to her bad choices and controversial and twisted upbringing, she was blacklisted from her family and she had no friends as she died alone and laid decomposing for 6 months on her rocking chair inside her apartment until an apartment and maintenance guy and apartment supervisor came to  investigate a water leak only to walk into a grisly scene of my mother’s corpse decomposing as that’s all I know along with a heart attack as cause of my mother’s death, which might be cause by my mother’s druggy lifestyle and not taking care of herself plus my mother was overweight as well at least that’s one speculation.

 

The second story I heard around the same timeline is due to my mother having unsavoury gang boyfriend from my father’s biker gang called the Outlaws that might have murdered my mother or at least knows how she died.

 

And the third story and most recent one I was told by my sister is that my mother is diabetic and choose to die pathetic in a suicide as my mother stop taking her insulin and informed her family that she wanted to die and that she was sick of living and I’m not sure if you stop taking your insulin if that will cause you to have a heart attack but that’s what my sister recently told me as why our mother died.

 

Either way I am happy that my mother is dead I just wished she would have suffered a little more for her sins as I feel that my mother got off pretty easy as I once told a therapist and my group homes staff and the sad irony is that my death if cancer doesn’t kill me first could end in a suicide as well before anyone notice or discovers that I am dead as I too could be decomposing in my apartment for six months or more as group homes don’t care if I live or die as I, like mostly every one that is a resident or client is considered as written off and erased from the history books as a few people I know have died and been easily forgotten unless I bring their names up as that’s the unwilling fate for everybody  unfortunately in any system you’re in, as that’s the nature of the beast , as group homes and foster homes from my personal experience and as I found out how cold this world truly is several times because see you’re just a meal ticket or a pay cheque as you’re life to them is mostly expendable unless you do something really extraordinary and truly remarkable than you might earn a place in group homes or foster homes cold desolate bleak selfish hearts but not until then, as I have come to realized and witness in my almost if not 30 years in the child and adult care system that I spent most of my life in since age five when I became a Crown Ward or property of the state or province if your Canadian and from Canada like I am.

Just my Songbird verse #poem inspired by my #bipolar #highroller #exgirlfriend and #MichaelJackson

The night before

She was giving me

Tears on the phone

We talked from twelve to four

As she fear that I would roam

And leave her ignored

But as soon as I got to her home

And open up the front door

That’s when I knew

That my baby wasn’t alone

As I could hear her moans

Smell her perfume and his cologne

Swirling around like a cyclone

As my doom was near

As I crept up the stairs

To her bedroom

Only to walk into a nightmare

And see that my queen

Has left me dethrone

Random Songbird verse of mine inspired by my #bipolar #highroller #exgirlfriend and #MichaelJackson

The night before

She was giving me

Tears on the phone

We talked from twelve to four

As she fear that I would roam

And leave her ignored

But as soon as I got to her home

And open up the front door

That’s when I knew

That my baby wasn’t alone

As I could hear her moans

Smell her perfume and his cologne

Swirling around like a cyclone

As my doom was near

As I crept up the stairs

To her bedroom

Only to walk into a nightmare

And see that my queen

Has left me dethrone

Now I’m a king

Without a throne

Or a bird without

A song to sing

Left to die alone

As my queen wear’s

Another man’s ring

(Revised) Verse of Mine inspired by my #bipolar #highroller #exgirlfriend and @Eminem and @pink

Love is like playing with matches

Or burning up in plane crashes

So don’t complain about the clashes

Just hope that someone likes a Keith Richards

Comes along and snorts up your ashes

After you’re gone, mourns your picture

While reading bible passages

But instead her heart is as cold as Victor Mr. Freeze

Blowing in like a cold breeze

That would put a chill in the air

Like a fall breeze, falling like the leaves

Because she don’t care at all

She’s only here for a season

Before she’s leaving

Leaving you here seething

Wondering why she’s still breathing?

When you wanna be squeezing the life out of her

As she has ran out of reasons

For all of her treasons

Her deceiving, misleading and teasing

Now we are throwing fits like babies teething

As we both are still beefing

Like we both got revenge on repeating

So fuck making amends

Hatred is what we would rather be feeding!

Random Verse of mine inspired by my #bipolar #highroller #exgirlfriend and @Eminem and @Pink

Love is like playing with matches

Or burning up in plane crashes

You’re hoping that someone likes a Keith Richards

Comes along and snorts up your ashes

After you’re gone, mourns your picture

While reading bible passages

But instead her heart is as cold as Victor Mr. Freeze

Blowing in like a cold breeze

That would put a chill in the air

Like a fall breeze, falling like the leaves

Because she don’t care at all

She’s only here for a season

Before she’s leaving

Leaving you here seething

Wondering why she’s still breathing?

When you wanna be squeezing the life out of her

As she has ran out of reasons

For all of her treasons

Her deceiving, misleading and teasing

Now we are throwing fits like babies teething

As we both are still beefing

Like we both got revenge on repeating

So fuck making amends

Hatred is what we would rather be feeding!