Now my forth and now finished #poem of 2018 that I call Nothing Compares by Songbird and also revised and also now inspired by #Ozzy and #PRINCE

Nothing Compares

By Songbird

 

It’s almost been ten years

From that day, the month before May

Where you had took your love away

And left me in all of my April tears

While you had walked away

And here I stay where I now pray

Hopping someday you’ll comeback

My way and be the wind on my back

As my love is what you had hijacked

 

Because see now nothing compares

To what we had when you were there

For me, see now nothing compares

To what we had when you were there

And now you’re gone baby

Leaving me in this lonely despair

Going crazy because nothing compares

To what we had when you were there!

 

And now that spark is gone

Leaving me here alone in the dark

As I’m a bird without a song

Left on this road to now embark

Wondering where our love went wrong?

And why you traded me up for a Tony Stark?

When I was your Iron Man from the start

Giving you all of my love from my heart

And now I’m back to being so lonely

Questioning why did we go and part?

 

Because see now nothing compares

To what we had when you were there

For me, see now nothing compares

To what we had when you were there

And now you’re gone baby

Leaving me in this lonely despair

Going crazy because nothing compares

To what we had when you were there!

 

See now I’m living on a prayer

Memories is all I can now share

Because it still cuts me like a knife

To know that you’re no longer there

To share my life and it’s so unfair

But that was the price and despair

Of a sacrifice of a love so rare

That I wished I took their advice

Before you left my heart heisted

 

Because see now nothing compares

To what we had when you were there

For me, see now nothing compares

To what we had when you were there

And now you’re gone baby

Leaving me in this lonely despair

Going crazy because nothing compares

To what we had when you were there!

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My take on #PRINCE’s iconic song #NothingCompares to you and still not yet finished as I have one more verse in my head waiting to be written out https://youtu.be/K7OaJjdsHS8

It’s almost been ten years

From that day

Where you had took your love away

And left me in all my tears

While you had walked away

And here I stay where I now pray

Hopping someday you’ll comeback

My way and be the wind on my back

 

Because see nothing compares

To what we had when you were there

For me, see nothing compares

To what we had when you were there

And now you’re gone baby

Leaving me in this despair

Going crazy because nothing compares

To what we had when you were there!

 

And now that spark is gone

Leaving me here alone in the dark

As I’m a bird without a song

Left on this road to now embark

Wondering where our love went wrong?

And why you traded me up for a Tony Stark?

When I was your Iron Man from the start

Giving you all my love from my heart

And now I’m back to being lonely

 

Because see nothing compares

To what we had when you were there

For me, see nothing compares

To what we had when you were there

And now you’re gone baby

Leaving me in this despair

Going crazy because nothing compares

To what we had when you were there!

My thoughts on #America in a small #poem of mine inspired by #MichaelJackson, @Eminem and #JayZ music

This is not a rade or am I throwing shade

Or am I trying to rain on your paraded

Just cut into your emotions like a blade

And ask why are we playing charades?

I know your pride is American made

But it’s just going to blow up

Back in your face like a grenade

While so many American lives

Will be left to fade to black

If you choose to layback

And lose more lives to these gats

So where is your American freedom at?

If your country is just a Coliseum

Or a museum of death

Murdering whatever freedom is left

Like these politicians are all on meth

Making common sense disappear

Like they are all magicians

The way that they don’t give an F

Because they’d rather profit off of fear

Climb up the corporate ladder, so insincere

While leaving mothers to be left in tears

Like battered wives that keep coming back

Every year hopping that America will change

But America won’t change the man in the mirror

As they rather you give into their demands

Than for them to change the way that they appear

Another Random verse of mine inspired by my homeboy @Eminem and his #RevivalAlbum

See my reputation

Is like a revelation

The way I bring the devastation

To my oppositions, competition

Because you know you ain’t at my level

Because I’m the definition of elevation

So high on myself I probably need detox

My words come out like this is G talk

See well you are at a super low

My Ego is like the super bowl

Therefore you know I’m out to win it

And after one minute, I’m leave you swept up in my flow

Because my air-ogance leaves minds blow

But if you are too dumb to read between the lines

Than let me spit these rhymes of mine slow

Until you hear me like a wind chime

That’s in the back of your mind

The way my air-ogance blows minds

This is what I have written so far that my editor still waits to edit to my Death of Romeo #SonOfTwisted chapter Also not finished yet still more to come to inform you all

Death of Romeo Chapter

Son of Twisted

 

Before I start psychoanalyzing my first attempt at a relationship, the one that  lead me to my biggest failure – the second relationship , let me take you all back to the beginning and set the scene and the background.

 

It was always awkward for me to ask girls out. There were two girls in my elementary schools that I liked named Leanne and Tessa , but I never asked them out maybe I was still too immature for my age at the time or I lacked confidence in myself as I was usually a reclusive loner.

When I got to my first group home Saratoga in my grade eight integrated class there was a girl named Ashley that I had immature crush on, but I didn’t know how to express my feelings as I was afraid of rejection due to me being in special Ed class. The normal students would bully or pick on you daily and weekly, so that didn’t help my confidence. One time on Valentine’s day, I decided to play a  secret admirer role and bought Ashley flowers and chocolate. I didn’t sign the card and Ashley didn’t  rejected it but when they found out I got sent to the principal’s office where I was labeled as a stalker and given  a warning. The next time I met Ashley was at my graduation grade 8 dance where my Saratoga staff kept on insisting that I go. They dropped  me off at my school and for most of my time I stayed out of sight and mostly in the boy’s bathroom, but some school kids kept insisting that I come out of the stall and face Ashley as I wanted to dance with her.  I didn’t think she will dance with me because of my Valentine escapade.

 

To my surprise after an awkward dance with Ashley’s friend, as I kept stepping on this poor girl’s feet and I felt uncomfortable placing my hands on her hip, Ashley came along and I danced with her one song and things went smooth.

Fast forward to high school I had a crush on this girl Amanda. She had a friend named Tiffany who once laced marijuana in her cigarettes. I got sick as I was on Risperidone and was told by my group home not to mixes any other kind of drugs, as the Sid effects could be harmful and deadly with a little paranoia to add to the mix, so when I found out that she smokes weed and do to cops and dogs coming into my high school, as my high school after the Columbine shootings happen my high school was on somewhat lockdown plus there was a miner altercation where one of the students threw another student through a trophy case, I can’t recall what their dispute was all about as I just witness passing by, but I met Amanda and Tiffany both of them in my Mr. Armour drama integrated class the only class that I somewhat ever excel at, but I never found the confidence or courage to ask Amanda out as I was afraid that she would shoot me down anyways due to me being in a special Ed class, but I was only in Clinton’s or Goderich’s high school temporary as I got kicked out of Saratoga group home. Plus when I found out that there was weed in my cigarette and after I went to the hospital with one of Saratoga staff, the same staff who sat on me like she was the female Yokozuna doing his Banzai finisher to me a few times be in my school or on the wooden outside porch in Saratoga went with me to the hospital where the doctor said there was nothing wrong with me and sent me back to school while the staff was angry with me for wasting her time with my hypochondriac nonsense well later that day I caught up with Tiffany maybe now hindsight as I know better not to as I was a big wrestling WWE fan and like everybody, I too would copy wrestlers movies and try them out and in this case I gave poor Tiffany either a DDT or Pile Driver after she attempted to jump me from behind where I threw her off of me and then picked her back up and dropped her head first on the side of the cement sidewalk curb next to where the buses parked and I don’t think that I hurt Tiffany, but Tiffany I know it has been awhile but if you by chance read my book I wanna apologise if by chance my wrestling move did hurt you in anyway therefore I am sorry if I did hurt you in anyway.

 

Now onto the infamous day where I was forced to come home from school and was told that my mother had died and Saratoga and my C.C.A.S. Society social worker were trying to convince me to go to my mother’s funeral even though I hate my mother and the kind of life I am forced to live because of her and my father’s wicket bad choices that I and my siblings to this day are still paying the ultimate price and been left in exiled and I am still to this day blacklisted and the black sheep of my family.

 

So as I recall it Saratoga staff took me out of school in the afternoon not telling me why until I got back to Saratoga where my C.C.A.S. or Catholic Children’s Aid Society social worker was there to inform me that my controversial mother had died and my social worker along with my Saratoga staff wanted me to go to the funeral they tried every tactic under the sun from regret to sympathy to guilt as they tried desperately to guilt me to go on my brother’s behalf as he doesn’t know the type of person our mother was and he still doesn’t to this day as he has a creepy shrine in our mother’s honour and memory, but at the time I didn’t feel like lying to my brother just to go on his behalf no matter how much Saratoga or my social worker tried to guilt me into going, so I left to angry and annoyed that Saratoga or my social worker was listening to me, so I headed out side to play basketball and that’s when one of Saratoga’s resident from the Rocky movies named after Rocky’s wife must have overheard the staff and my social worker when he stupidly poked the bear by taunting me about my mother’s death and some of you might think that I was standing for her but that wasn’t ever the case as back then I had a short fused either way I asked him to stop, than I warned him to stop though this Saratoga resident wouldn’t listen and kept escalating his taunts “Ha, Ha your mother’s dead” was his words he kept repeating over and over and the more he kept saying it the more angry I got and told him “ Every reaction has a reaction and you are about to see my reaction” before throwing the basketball at his face then spearing him to the ground and going UFC on his ass before Saratoga’s staff caught wind of it and proceeded to pull me off and somewhat put me in a basket hold restraint before I got out and resume to beat the whole shit of this Saratoga resident even that much more and putting him on life support as the cops came out to Saratoga and placed me under arrest and brought me to a mental hospital as Saratoga claimed that I was under aged and that they didn’t want to press charges, but if the Saratoga resident should succumb to his injuries and die than Saratoga and the cops had no choice but to charge me for murder, so I was supposed to be at this mental hospital for 48 hour hours basically suicide watch, but instead I was there for 2 to 3 weeks and when the hospital decided to discharge me, two Saratoga staff came and told me that they had a meeting with everyone and everyone agreed that I was too dangerous  therefore kicking me out in 1999 and escorting me like they were police offers, putting me in handcuffs for their safety as I felt like Hannibal Lecter in that iconic scene where Lecter was being wheeled out in a mask and chains and straight jacket as if I had murdered that Saratoga resident, but fortunately the  Saratoga resident has made a full recovery the last time I heard, as Saratoga’s staff took me back to Toronto in the Scarborough area in this temporary housing program called Midland where I stayed for a year and a half basically to 2001 as I was supposed to be there for a month or two, but I was considered a high risk youth therefore I got blacklisted until Palmer home came into the picture, plus Saratoga alter some facts as I found out later on by my sister that Saratoga told her and my social worker false details by stating I grabbed a knife and started stabbing people when for the record I smashed my aquarium filled with spider’s that I collected as that was one of my hobbies of mine and told the Saratoga staff to get out of my space and face as I was in a suicidal like state before the cops subdued me in the cornfield behind  Saratoga with their Tasers and handcuffed me as I want to make that fact clear as it’s been misconstrued for years.

 

Caused of my Mother’s death

 

On my mother’s officially cause of death as I know was a heart attack mixed with foul play as my mother died at age 35 or 36 on a rocking chair in her apartment.

 

Now I have two or three stories that I was told and original story I was told is that my mother sadly or poetic justice for her part for all of the suffering she caused me and my siblings to endure over the years due to her sociopathic lack of a conscience and the abused that me and my sister mostly took at the hands of my mother’s sadist father and common-law husband as I am born out of incest, but back to my mother’s early premature death as she died on a rocking chair and due to her burning so many of her bridges in life do to her bad choices and controversial and twisted upbringing, she was blacklisted from her family and she had no friends as she died alone and sat decomposing for 6 months on her rocking chair inside her apartment until an apartment maintenance guy and apartment supervisor came to  investigate a water leak only to walk into a grisly scene of my mother’s corpse decomposing as that’s all I know along with a heart attack as cause of my mother’s death, which might be cause by my mother’s druggy lifestyle and not taking care of herself plus my mother was overweight as well at least that’s one speculation down.

 

The second story I heard around the same timeline is due to my mother having unsavoury gang boyfriend from my father’s biker gang called the Outlaws that might have murdered my mother or at least knows how she died.

 

And the third story and most recent one I was told by my sister is that my mother is diabetic and choose to die pathetic in a suicide as my mother stop taking her insulin and informed her family that she wanted to die and that she was sick of living and I’m not sure if you stop taking your insulin if that will cause you to have a heart attack but that’s what my sister recently told me as why our mother died.

 

Either way I am happy that my mother is dead I just wished she would have suffered a little more for her sins as I feel that my mother got off pretty easy as I once told a therapist and my group homes staff and the sad irony is that my death if cancer doesn’t kill me first could end in a suicide as well before anyone notice or discovers that I am dead as I too could be decomposing in my apartment for six months or more as group homes don’t care if I live or die as I, like mostly every one that is a resident or client is considered as written off and erased from the history books as a few people I know have died and been easily forgotten unless I bring their names up as that’s the unwilling fate or unwilling accomplices for everybody  unfortunately in any system you’re in if truth be told, as that’s the nature of the beast , as group homes and foster homes from my personal experience and as I found out how cold this world truly is several times because see you’re just a meal ticket or a pay cheque as you’re life to them is mostly expendable unless you do something really extraordinary and truly remarkable than you might earn a place in group homes or foster homes cold desolate bleak selfish hearts but not until then, as I have come to realized and witness in my almost if not 30 years in the child and adult care system that I spent most of my life in since age five when I became a Crown Ward or property of the state or province if your Canadian and from Canada like I am.

 

Palmer home and my first relationship

 

See after I moved out of Saratoga to a temporary placing called Midland which was like a halfway house that I stayed in longer then I was supposed to but I was deemed a high risk do to how I had got kicked out of Saratoga for putting one of their residences on life support and was almost charged with murder if he would have died and after Saratoga kept me in the hospital based on their suicide protocol up to 72 hours or a couple weeks they had no choice but to terminate me as everyone in Saratoga and in Betamarsh who owned Saratoga all came to agreement as they feared for their lives plus Saratoga thought I was the devil himself and two Saratoga staff came to the hospital and placed me in handcuffs for their safety because they couldn’t get the Goderich Police to escort me so they got handcuffs and placed me in their car and took me back to Toronto to this halfway house named Midland and I stayed for about a year there and Dave who owns Palmer home was first and only one who was willing to take a gamble on me and on Christmas 2000 I went to their Christmas party in Dave’s other home called Maplewood now changed to Stouffville and at that Christmas party I was at is where my story really begins as this is the seed the match making staff named Sunny would plant into me to force a relationship between me and my first girlfriend Michelle B who was a resident at the time in Maplewood group home.

 

See for months on end I did everything in my power to eradicate this fable that Sunny had conjured up, but every time I complain about Sunny harassing me the Maplewood’s regime would constantly change week to week or month to month, I think Maplewood’s had three supervisors from Teresa to Ian to Linda who once took me to WWE WrestleMania 18 where it was Hulk Hogan vs. the Rock in Toronto as my C.C.A.S. worker was supposed to leave me tickets to go to the sold out Skydome but because my C.C.A.S. worker just left on maternity leave she didn’t leave out the tickets as I called C.C.A.S. but they refused to go into her desk and retrieve them for me as they kept claiming it was some kind of violation and that I would have to wait until she came back, but problem with that scenario was WrestleMania 18 was happing in a few days basically on Sunday and I need them now so I can go, but still they refused to get the WrestleMania 18 tickets that were in my name so Linda took me to the movie theaters but we find out that most of them were sold out plus as a side story Linda also told me how she met Hulk Hogan in person which if I recalled I believe at his house in Florida at one of Hulk Hogan’s pool parties but I could be wrong about it as it has been a while since I have recalled this memory, but after hours of Linda driving around looking for a movie theater she finally found one which was mostly sold out as well but the movie theater say they still had room if we didn’t mind siting on the stairs covering the fire exits? and I said to Linda I don’t mind so we bought tickets and some dude left their sets unattended and asked me and Linda to watch them for him and we said yes only to steal his seats where he came back with a usher to say those were his seats but me and Linda said we don’t know him as Linda told me to say to the usher and we have been sitting here the whole time therefore the usher told the dude there’s nothing they can do about it as it’s me and Linda’s words vs. this dude’s words therefore we stayed in those seats until WrestleMania 18 was over.

 

But now back to my original story see Sunny wouldn’t stop harassing me to go out with Michelle all because she somehow assumed from the Christmas party back in 2000 where I was only there to get the feel about this place to see if I wanted to live in Maplewood but my C.C.A.S. worker didn’t care how I felt as she forced me to move there and I was supposed to move in that day at the Christmas party but the room they had for me looked like a Greenhouse all windows which my C.C.A.S. worker had issues with as there was no privacy so after Maplewood’s made changes and renovated my bedroom into an actual bedroom that lived up to my C.C.A.S. approval in January 2001I officially moved into Maplewood and for most of my time I was reclusive and only came out at night time because of their overnight staff also ironically named Michelle  who would lower me out with a O’Henry bar as I guess it was her job or mission to get me to come out of my room since all the other staff in Maplewood’s failed and thought that maybe I’m not fit for Maplewood and wanted to returned me back to Midland halfway house, but Dave didn’t want to give up on his new acquisition as Dave didn’t know I had a talent for writing but he open the Pandora’s Box anyways and took his chances on me and maybe wasn’t the wises move he ever made because I took his grope homes be Maplewood or Palmer home and turn them into my TMZ or People magazine basically into a headline and made his houses feel like he was in Hollywood  and systemically turning everybody against each other where I was like a cult leader Charles Manson and controlled the market like I was wall street and turned everybody into my yes men and those who went against me I would ruined their reputation and take whatever rumors I heard at the time and twisted them into my advantage and made everybody back stabbed each other something now that Dave regrets, But he wasn’t aware of my capabilities then. So he took his chance on me where he showered me in lavish gifts as Dave was desperate to get me out of my reclusive state by buying me anything I wanted at the time and at first I thought his intentions were fake, but I went along with it and made up a list of things I wanted at that time like my own TV, Rogers box and a PlayStation with WWE Games like Know Your Role, SmackDown Shut Your Mouth and Here Comes the Pain and a stereo for my albums I collected and Dave who I though wasn’t actually serious came knocking on my bedroom door and said to me to get my ass in his car we are going to the store to buy these things on your list on the condition that you come out of your room and interact and socialize with others and I agreed to those terms and Dave was a man of his word and bought me everything that I asked for accept the Roger’s box he bought for the whole grope home to use but whatever WWE PPV was on he bought for me to watch as long as I lived up to my side of the bargain and come out of my room and I did but somehow later on that became Dave’s way to get me in his back pocket by buying me anything that I desire at the time which made everybody be in Palmer home or Maplewood’s jealous of me where every phonies came out of the wood works portending to be my friends where I saw that and somewhat turn it into my advantage thinking I can buy these phonies loyalty and friendships, but later on when I would eventually age out of Palmer home and move into Community Living every bodies true colors would be revelled at the expense of me. But in those so call innocent times Sunny from Maplewood was set on me dating Michelle and one time I was on a home vested with my old C.C.A.S. case worker Ann who knows like everybody from my past hates me and my brother Kristopher and my sister Jayme for a few days I believe it was and my old case worker wanted me to call into Maplewood to ask the staff when did they want me back for my medications but instead of a staff picking up the phone a resident did instead which turned out to be Michelle and I informed her to ask the staff what time should I be back for? So Michelle did and not knowing that Michelle still had the phone to her ear, my sister innocently asks me who was that? And I said some retarded resident, well it turned out that my worker Ann couldn’t take me all the way back to Maplewood so Sunny the staff picked me up halfway and told me that Michelle refuses to eat and has been sitting on the same couch for days staring out the window waiting for me to come home and I thought it was because she was mad at me for calling her a retard but instead as I found out to be wearied and creepy that she was supposedly obsess or madly in love with me and I don’t know what gave her that idea as I barely talk to her and was doing my own thing at the time. But again I went along with it and when I got back to Maplewood’s there was Michelle sitting on the couch looking all mopey and I said to Michelle what will get you out of your funk? Not knowing I walked into a trap or ultimatum where she would trick me to go out with her and thinking I was doing the noble thing I said yes if it would make her eat and get off this couch not knowing that a few hours later do to me not allowed to go outside with her and play basketball as Maplewood’s has this policy where no male and female resident are to be alone with each other without a staff supervising as there was a lot of sex and mostly with Michelle as she has a habit of screwing every guy she came across, plus Dave once told us how a few years before my time a female resident got pregnant by a male resident who was older than the female at the time and age out of Palmer home program and also his relationship with this female had fizzled out and he didn’t want to be with the female for whatever reason and demanded that he wanted the baby for himself which turned into a ugly custody battle over the baby and how Dave was called into court and had to give out his opinion on who he thought would be the better parent to the baby and Dave said it was the hardest thing he had to do and whiteness therefore Dave made it clear that he didn’t want another pregnancy in his program be Palmer or Maplewood therefore staff had to supervise our interactions which Michelle didn’t take so kind to but I on the other had heed his warning that if a male and female residents were found together without staff’s approval or supervision he was going to kick them out and expel them from his program if anybody disobey his wishes and being that Dave gave me everything that I asked for and that my future was bleak I didn’t disobey him therefore I told Michelle that her worker Charlotte who was working at the time didn’t okay it so Michelle who was so madly in love with me would dump me because I wouldn’t disobey Charlotte, but at the time I didn’t care I just laugh it off and went back into my bedroom and played my PlayStation. Only days later Michelle would ask me out again and then break up with me when either some fresh meat came into Maplewood or Palmer home where she made a habit of this of asking me out than breaking up with me few hours later.

 

Only to end up wanting to go back out with me, see in this little rhyme I had a friend named Claudie who acted like he was a true gangster like he was John Gotti and wore all these blue Hawaiian shirts thinking he was a Crip and followed me around like he was a paparazzi.

Random Verse of mine still in works inspired by @Eminem and #Eminem’s #Revival album

See I felt like I had ran the gauntlet

On every continent to make you mine

As your emotions for me I responded

And thought that I had a real shot

Never thought that our love was unwanted

But when you said yes I was astonish

Stomach in knots but I pretend I was undaunted

Like I have finally found the top of the summit

Boast about it and didn’t mind to flaunt it

Because here I thought

That you would make me an honest man

And take me to the promise land

Only to find that you were dishonest again

Now I am back at square one

Where I have plummeted

Left to rummage

Through my old memories

Using my hatred to numb it

Because like a American flag

I stood by you like a true patriot

With American Grit turn to swag

Now our love ain’t so sacred

After I pegged you, for

Turning our love into hatred

Random verse of mine inspired by @Eminem still in the works

I’m too insane, revving up like two chains-saws

Here to cause two times the pain

Also I’m like an impendent store

My style is so off the chain

From the moment I blew up onto the scene

Like appendix with my thoughts so obscene

Therefore don’t run off at the jaw

Because you ain’t winning like Charlie Sheen

If you take my name in vane

So feel my wrath like I’m a rap God

And don’t double-cross my psycho-path

As this is no façade, I’m an alien in my space pod

Fucked out of my mind the way I’m so odd

As there’s no mind as twisted as mine

A lightning rod is what you’ll be for my rhymes

As I’m ready to strike at any time

A brain storm thinking up another rhyme

As vortex begin to form inside my cortex

So who’s next to feel these lines?